Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
