What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
nutella sex= disaster
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
