alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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