Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
