This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
