I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
