I love black thongs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
