i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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