she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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