Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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