Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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