i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
