I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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