I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
