I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we're making bets on your personal life
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
