what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
