she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize