as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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