bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
