this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
