My first STD was from a foam party
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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