I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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