Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
