So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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