When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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