I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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