drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
