At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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