I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
