PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
