I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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