I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
