his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
