Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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