hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
