i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
