Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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