You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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