btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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