I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
