I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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