her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This house was built for laser tag.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
