she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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