Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
