Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
