This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
