No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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