you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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