omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
