Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
