Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
