I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
