Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
