His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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