i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
