how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
