I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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