i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
