why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
