This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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