I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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