yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
