I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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