the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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