I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
