She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize