Need sex. Gaining weight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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