I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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