so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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