I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
