my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You can't motorboat a personality
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
