shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
