I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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