Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
