He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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