I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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