barbara walters just said penis...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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