I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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