ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
