woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
