It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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