i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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