Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
