no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
