shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
