vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
