my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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