just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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