I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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