You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
