I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
