Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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