Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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