Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
