never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
