Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize