Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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