It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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