As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
