rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
