yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
