I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
