mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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