this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
