Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
