I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
