Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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